Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Mommy's Guilt

Over this past weekend I attended a stagette. I haven't had any issues with leaving the nuggets for short periods of time. But for some reason I felt guilty and sick to my stomach the whole time.

 When Cohen was a baby I didn't leave him until he was 8 months old. I don't know how I did it without taking a break.

 I wanted things to be different with Leo nugget, especially with two kids you need that break or else you will reach a breaking point of feeling like you have been held captive In a jail cell.

 I only leave my kids with few select people that I know will follow the rules I instill in my kids. I'm a control freak about everything, down to every detail including bed time, feedings, how they like to be tucked in. My mom gives me a hard time because "I had three kids I know what I'm doing Kate". I even called to check in and they went to bed easier than If I was their to do it.

 Earlier in the day I was doing fine, enjoying my twisted teas while mini golfing, as soon as things on the party bus started to get wild my guilt and anxiety set in. I kept thinking "What if something happened to my kids?", "What if their was an emergency and I show up in this ridiculous outfit and feel like this worst mom". Their were a few moms and a few singles girls without kids and they all seemed relaxed. I felt guilty in many ways. Guilty that I am out drinking and my kids are at home. Guilty that I was the MOH and was being a Debbie downer.

 10:30 (my bedtime) hit and it was time to choose our last stop. The girls chose "Boss Hogs" a small town country bar where all the underage Lethbridge kids hang out. Letbridge is a small town and all there is to do is hang out at the bars every weekend. Thank-god I left that place 6 years ago.

 We walked in and it was pretty slow, not to busy. Their were a few people on the dance floor, that looked like this was their stomping grounds every weekend. I looked so awkward, sat on a stool that sat towards a bar over the dance floor. It got a little later and became packed with under aged kids that could be my kids someday. More kids walked in, people started getting drunk, skirts started to get a little shorter and 2 stepping turned into dirty grinding. That should have been my exit. 

 Thank god I don't have daughters or else I would smack a bitch if she wore some of the outfits I saw. Then their were the girls that hated me in high school that still shot the dirty "if looks could kill I'd be dead" look. I know it sucks living in Lethbridge but get the fuck over yourselves. Then walked in a girl wearing a tight dress that hugged right below her ass cheeks and hopped on the bar in front of me. I couldn't help but keep my gawking eyes on her the whole time.

I know this girl. 

She is a mom.

I don't associate with her and have never talked to her personally, but know she has a daughter. (No judgement) 

And then..... I see her coochie crack! If I wanted to look at vagina's I would have walked 5 steps down the block at Top Hat and threw some toonies in the air. I hate sounding judgmental because it makes me look jealous but, you have a daughter and you are acting this way? One day your going to be either pulling her down from the bar or joining in on the disaster.

 I will admit I enjoyed the bar scene when I was 19 or so but, I got over it right quick. I also had the pleasure of watching an older man stand below the girls and look up there shorts like a pervert. We are talking a 60 year old man. Yes..... I was disgusted  Does your wife know you are here looking at barely legal little girls? 

 Maybe this is the norm nowadays. 
Maybe I'm just over the bar scene.
 Maybe I get tipsy off of 3 drinks and that's my limit. 
Maybe my kids have taught me what is important.

 How do you go out and enjoy yourself without thinking about your kids the whole time. I have my whole life to spend time with them but I would rather be with them then be anywhere else.


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