This Mom is on Fiyahhhhh

I could post day in and day out about how my life is butterflies and rainbows. I could Instagram all the cuteness in the world. I could update my statuses about Cohen asking for hugs numerous times a day. I will post the cutest most adorable picture perfect family and two seconds later Cohen will have knocked a cup of milk all over the floor. You know the song by Alicia Keys "Girl is on Fire"? It's not like the career motivated, striving in life lyrics that make sense to me, It's my temper. I'm literally on FIRE.

My life ain't what it seems people. I wake every morning dreading the moment I have to physically roll out of bed to get up and THINK about making a coffee...because holy shit pressing a Keurig button is so damn hard.

Generally 5 seconds after I get up Cohen is in my ear, listing all the things he wants for breakfast. And good god does he have to tell you 5 times over just so you hear "I want Mini Wheats MAMA". First off my name isn't "MAMA". It's "Mom". Adding a extra "A" to the end of words just sets me right off the edge.

As soon as I think I can take a seat to drink a sip of coffee that will turn my whole day around, Cohen needs another drink, another bowl, a piece of toast. And then there is Leo, kid eats twice as much as I do.

Most mornings I feel like shit. "I guess you both are going to have Mini Wheat's for breakfast". I can't actually function to make pancakes and eggs with a side of fruit.

Right now Leo is on the floor digging through my nicely filed paperwork that I organized 3 years ago when I had the damn patience and thought organization and routine is the way to be and I thought I could be the mom to "Do it All". You go right ahead and make the biggest mess you want. I don't feel like disciplining.

Or say the diaper that you have been in since 6:30 PM the night before...I'm sure another hour can't hurt you. He doesn't seem to mind....Wait is that why you are ear-shattering-whining your face off?

The mother at the grocery store or the mall or the restaurant...I used to look at you and think, Dang...I would strangle those kids. Now I am you, I am a living breathing version of you. Except I am sitting here at the computer writing about my pathetic self. I understand why you didn't do anything...I understand why you let them throw food across the table and scream at one another. Sometimes you can't control everything...and sometimes you don't give a shit.

Some days I feel like I've got it all together. I've got the house, the hubby, the kids. I feel positive that I can do this! And then my dreams are shattered by a short hissy fit the next day. I've started calling my kids each others names, I read text messages and literally forget to respond, I forgot that it was Cowboy day at preschool and Cohen is the only one that isn't dressed up. I feel like I'm headed to the looney bin. 

I feel a bit more positive after this post because I know I'm not the only one out there...then I realize my kids are 1 and 4...I have a long way to go. Namaste.