Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Setting Cohen up for Success

Early on when Cohen was a baby I set all these hopes and dreams for him. I never wanted him to be the kid that had a compete fit in the grocery store, I didn't want him to feel embarrassed. 

I still now set boundaries and consequences for his behavior. I have yelled too many times, said no way to often and locked myself in a closet the second he has a fit. I feel like I have way more patience with others people kids. I was a nanny for quite some time before I had my own kids. I thought it was a piece of cake, they always listened to me and I thought "Wow I do really well with kids". That was until I had my own that I realized that generally they listen better if you aren't the main caregiver.

I couldn't believe how well Cohen would respond to Evans discipline. I was actually kind of pissed. 

Are you telling me that I spend day in and day out with you and me telling you to put your socks on is like asking you to move mountains.

I have tried different tactics and ways to make it easiest for Cohen and on myself. 

I've read Time-Outs are a no-no. I've read "Kids don't understand yelling". I've read Never spank your kids, the list goes on.

Somethings I came up with on my own were:

If Cohen is misbehaving or doing something he shouldn't be I will ask him to come with me to have a talk or as I call it a (Time-In). Throwing him in the corner doesn't seem to work because I'm asking him to bottle his emotions and figure it out on his own.  I have to ask him what he thinks he has done wrong and how he thinks he should have responded or behaved.

Trying not to say "NO" too often. Which Is close to impossible. When they are around the age of two they tend to repeat the word "No" right back at you. Which I then learnt that by them saying "NO" is them displaying independence. 

"Independence" my ass. 

I really had to put my stubbornness aside and let him be "independent" since I always wanted him to be as independent as possible.

Consequences were a big thing, taking the bike away, taking toys, not going to the park. I've done it all.

My newest discovery is a task/success chart. 

We make a list of tasks or things I want him to do on his own. This week the list consists of:

Getting dressed on your own.
Washing your hands without me asking.
Cleaning up Leo's and your toys.
Flushing the toilet and cleaning up after yourself.( Because god forbid men can follow those tasks)

Towards the end of each day I sit down with him and his chart and we go over the days tasks. I generally ask him if he thinks he has completed the tasks we have written down. Most of the time he says yes to all because in the end the reward is a "Sticker". 

Yes.... Who would have thought a sticker would get your kid to pick up their toys.

I then let him pick a sticker out of the book to put on his chart. 

Baby daddy and I thought after the week/month depending on how many stickers he has gotten or had taken off the chart we would reward him with a bigger prize...are you ready or it...

A Book or a board game. 

I am so over toys. I'm tired of people buying toys and I'm tired of finding places to store these toys.

So far this week he has completed 3/5 the five tasks without me having to remind him. 

I often remind him if their is a slip, that their will be no "sticker-picking" in the "listening department". 

Seems like i'm on the right track hopefully the stickers are as big of a hit in a months time!


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