Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Shit 3-Year-Olds Say

Yeah...He looks pretty funny right. I'd say funny looking but then that would make me mean. 

He's been known to say some pretty funny unfiltered shit and doesn't really care whether he insults someone or not.

At time's we have to give him a prep talk before company comes over so we don't look totally incompetent of raising a well mannered child. That's what parenthood is all about right? Making your child look like they have no flaws with nice manners etc. Some people are utterly shocked when they hear the shit that comes out of his mouth and even the expression's on his face are completely over the top. I'm nervous for Pre-K and Elementary. 

A lot of the time he talks about genitally but he doesn't know its completely inappropriate until someone's jaw drops and they laugh. I will give you some of his brightest shining moments;

"Mommy, why do I have a dinky and you don't?" "Well, because I am a girl" "Why are you a girl?" "That is how I was born. You know when I was Pregnant with Leo and we kept asking if you wanted a brother or sister? Well you got a brother. It's just how life happens. It's like a box of Chocolate's you never know what your gonna get!"
 "No, I'm a boy with a dinky. But can I have some chocolate?"
"Mommy your boobs stretch all the way to the window" "I think that's a little dramatic. They stretch but not to the window" "Your nipple's are disgusting" 
 One that I have shared with you before is Cohen will threaten you with Punching you in the face. I will give you some different context's he uses it in. 

"I'm gonna punch you in the face if you don't give me a Popsicle"  "Mommy get out of the way (playing video games) I'm going to punch you in the face"
 "Cohen, can you please go clean up your room" "Well, I don't want to!" "Well you have no choice! Go do as your told" "You, go do as your told" "Cohen I'm not arguing, I'm telling you" "(Whispers) I'm telling you, I'm gonna punch you"

Recently Cohen has taken up talking to himself, yeah he is a little Schizo.  It's freaking baby daddy out a bit but I informed him that now they are saying If you talk to yourself it is a sign of being a genius. Cohen playing with his toys;

*Play's with motorcycle's "We have four Dinkies (evil laugh) Bahahahhaha" 
 "Mommy said you were a bad power ranger and she's going to lock you in the closet and and and and your going to be grounded" "Attack of ty-ran-o-saur-us-sex, he's gonna get you"
 "Daddy, your my best friend. Mommy is not our best friend, she's just a mommy. "That's not nice Cohen" "Your my best-est friend and I Don't Care!"

I don't know if I have shared this before but we have the most annoying neighbors of life and I don't even like to use my backyard because literally as soon as I come outside they have a radar on me so they know when I am outside and 2 seconds later they are standing on top of their play-set hanging over my fence. Cohen is to the point where he get's annoyed because they say his name repetitively and he want's to change his name;

Neighbor: coooHEEEEnnnnn What are you doing? Why are you playing with the ball, Where's your mom? What's that thing in the yard? Is that your mom? Hi! Cohen's Mom!Cohen: I'm going inside SHHHHHHHHNeighbor: CooooHHHHEEEEnnnnn Come here, your badCohen: I'm not going to tell you again, leave me alone I'm going inside. MOOOOMMMMMm Alex won't leave me alone. Neighbor: Who, What, When, Where Why! all over again Cohen: Alex, I SAIIIDDD be quiet I am going inside, listen to me already. You are NOT my best friend anymore!

His newest insult it's one that could make me rip my limbs off. Is basically a jab at me and he loves to use this one when he is mad at me;

"Mommy, Your mean" "Ok, I just don't think a chocolate bar at 7 am is healthy meal choice""Your mean and I want Grandma. She would give me one" "Ya because she likes to do the exact opposite of my rules so she looks like a angel" "I said, your mean and I want Grandma. Don't you listen?"

All I can think is Fuck you. I'm sure that is the next sentence he will be saying to me.


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