I'm sure I've written something kind of like this before? "I was a way better mom to one child than two"? Yeah I think that was it.
I was sitting on the floor last night cleaning up the toys for the sixth time that day, I said "it was way easier having one child". I thought I was using my inside voice but then Evan turned to me and said "I agree".
Currently Leo is at the age where nothing and everything is what he wants. But only when he wants it. I literally cannot go to a grocery store without him having a complete meltdown. He wants out of the stroller. I let him out. He takes two steps and realizes he wants the stroller and screams. Attempt #2. He gets back in and because I physically have to lift him, it pisses him off because he wasn't the one to do it.
I know, I know, I chose this and I'm sure you all think "suck it the fuck up" but I can only assume that many of us feel or will feel like this. ( unless this changes your mind about getting up for seconds) lol.
At preschool we all have two kids. One Cohens age, the other around the age of 1. Most of the time we all look exhausted and ready to pull our hair out. Jokingly a mom said to a group of us "Having anymore?" With a sly grin on her face. Literally at the same time we all said "NO" and laughed. I said "2 is already too much for me" and the others nodded and agreed. Then there is a mom who has 3 kids. Yes I know 3 kids. She is always dressed nicely, has her hair done and I envy the shit out of her. She is actually very sweet and will read this post at some point. But 3 kids will not be in my future, ever.
I can't quite put my finger on why, but managing this one year olds hissy fit stage, Cohen's constant back talking and attitude I'm about ready to check myself in at the nearest insane asylum. (I think I've said that before too) I can actually take Cohen he is at least enjoyable most the time.
In the early stages (meaning one month old) they sleep, eat, poop and repeat. I wish I could go back to those days. I also never had this much of a challenge with Cohen. He was sweet, innocent and Independent. Leo in nicer terms is...the opposite.
At this time he is screaming at me because my legs aren't crossed the right way. OK bud tell me what's really bugging you.
People ask "Whats wrong with him?". If I had a damn manual on what screaming and whining meant I could answer that for you.
Compassion, patience, attention, distractions are just some of the words that encircle my brain. From the endless info I read up online til' early hours of the morning. But all I can think to do in the moment is leave my body and take beatings from that most annoying sound of all. Crying.
I'm sure in a months time after this mental leap and possible teething stint wears off I will lay off the bottle but for now I will claw my way to fridge.
0 comments:
Post a Comment