#redballoonsforryan

by Craftberry Bush

I recently followed a blog called Diary of an Addict. I guess I didn't want to write anything that seemed not sincere enough because it is a heart wrenching story. Three weeks ago Alyssa (Diary of an Addict) posted a picture of a little boy.  This little boy was a family friend. A little tiny boy with red curly ringlets. A little tiny boy blowing a dandelion. He is four years old. His name is Ryan. I scrolled down my Instagram feed and saw pictures of this little boy and red balloons beside the picture.  Unfortunately he was taken to soon from this big world. A lot of the comments or prayers posted seemed like the right words and support to help them through this loss. I could not find the words. I didn't know what to say. I don't feel like my words could help the pain or loss they're enduring.  Jacqui (Ryan's Mother) writes for her blog called (Baby Boy Bakery) about sharing the sweet things in her life. She is currently using this space to share her story of the loss of her little Ryan. In the back of my mind I would get this thought maybe I should share this story. The amount of support and love they have received has made me feel like there is good left in this world. I can't help but feel selfish and undeserving of my kids some days. I often go to bed thinking; I need to try harder, be more patient, give more love. I also feel like this is my platform to share struggles, funny stories and life itself. Reading back some of my post's last week I felt a little ashamed that I couldn't have been anymore unaware as to how lucky I am that I get to see these two little faces everyday. Unfortunately I was even more disappointed in myself as a writer that it took something like this to see my ungratefulness.  I use this as a platform to be honest. Honestly, in my soul I live for these two little faces everyday. Everything you do is  for these little tiny people. These little people make a huge impact on our lives. I have never met Ryan. I have never met his parents. They live in Los Angeles. A great distance from where I live. Still you feel a connection because you to have kids. Some days I wake up and this tiny little face with red curly ringlets appears. Today as I was walking home, I put the kids inside the house and had some groceries to put inside. I was trying to get in the door as quickly as possible so Leo couldn't run out. I was putting the groceries away and Cohen had slipped out to go play. I walked to the front window to make sure he had his helmet on. I look out and I see this little tiny red balloon float into the sky. Tears just started pouring down my face and I was so instilled by the moment of seeing this tiny red balloon float past me I didn't even realize I was crying. The symbolism of the red balloon was started by Alyssa, she knew that Ryan loves red and loves balloons. Jacqui and Dan released red balloons at his service. #redballoonsforryan encircled the web reaching all over the world. Alyssa wanted Jacqui and her husband Dan to see where everyone was sharing while they were going through this hard time. Today after seeing this little red balloon float through the sky I really wanted to share my thoughts. I am truly sorry Jacqui, Dan and Ryan.  I keep Ryan and your family in my thoughts and cherish even the not so happy moments of motherhood even more.  If you would like to read more about Baby Boy Bakery and celebrate Ryan's life, you can read some of her thoughts at her blog.  If you search the hashtag #RedBalloonsForRyan on instagram you can see all those who are sharing and supporting as well as opportunities to raise money for Jacqui and her family.