Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Yes, I just called you a Ass-Hole

I've been avoiding writing this post. In fact the title has been sitting in my draft's for about.... 4 weeks. 

It's a scary thought that someone could possibly call CPS on me....(I'm a pretty decent mom I think).

You know how sometimes swear words slip and your kid will correct you and say "Mommy don't say shit" and then there are times when you are thinking in your head I could just lock this kid outside for a whole day. Yeah, I have those moments often. 

They really like to push buttons you know, as we speak (sorry as I am venting on my mommy blog) the little power ranger is throwing those round fucking TY Beanie's at my head and I'm two seconds away from throwing it back at him but I know he will report that back to his best friend (daddy). 


Let me go turn on another episode of Power Rangers for Cohen nugget so I don't end up calling him another bad word.

When I was pregnant with Leo nugget, it was definitely a challenge to say the least. Keeping up with a 2 year old, working a part time job and trying to be some sort of parental figure to my 16 year old sister. 

Someday's I look back and think, Wow I was one hormonal scary bitch. Technically they brought it on themselves by annoying the shit out of me. 

I remember this day so vividly. It was a cold day. I was about 8 months pregnant having jolts of electricity shooting down my pelvis into my vag and Cohen was in the worst mood possible. 

He wanted cereal, I gave him cereal. He changed his mind, he wanted porridge instead. 

My pile of laundry to the ceiling was all folded neatly until the little disturber came and threw it all over the floor. 

I thought maybe he needed some responsibility and something such as chores would keep him busy.

Underwear in the laundry basket because please lord if I have to pick up after your dad for the rest of my life I'm gonna need you to figure that one out. 

Please pick up your dinky cars before I step, slip and fly right onto my double sized pregnant ass. 

You would think I asked this kid to climb Mount Everest with me strapped to his back. Every excuse in the book he came up with. "I'm tired", "I'm watching a show" "Mom I can't. You do it!".

I then proceeded to drag his ass up the flight of stairs (At this point in my pregnancy I just threw him over my shoulder). 

"Alright, your in a time-in Cohen, I'm going to shut the door and give you a few minutes and I will come back and talk to you" 

Que Screams.....

"If you scream it's not going to help the situation and you will sit in here longer and you can forget about T.V."

He basically sounded like a calf that had been branded.

So over the top! So dramatic! I could have just stuck a sock in his mouth. 

Alright, enter at your own risk. This kids a feisty one today.

"Cohen, do you know why I put you in your room?"
"Your mean (Wahhhhh)"

I read on the internet if you get down to their level and talk in a calm voice they will respond differently. Yes, I had a hat of tricks. None that I could stick to and use repetitively. 

I barely got down to one knee and he kicks me in the shin and basically head butt's me with his overly sized melon.



The look on his face was...that is a bad word. I cant believe you just called me that.

He then proceeded to call me an Ass-Hole back and I could go into detail the banter we had back and forth but I will spare you.

Definitely one of my brightest shining moments as a mother. I for sure cried about it to baby daddy when he got home and thought I was the worst mom possible. 

Maybe when he is a teenager I can re-hash our lovely conversations and he will get a chuckle out of it.

I'm hoping some of my mommy friends can raise their hand and admit to calling their child an ass hole?


I can't be the only one?

I know Scary Mommy has a blog post similar but relating Three Year Old's are the same as Your Ass-Hole Boss.


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