Thursday, September 12, 2013

What I just found out about 3 year olds....That I don't like.

A few weeks ago I confidently remember hearing myself say "Now that he is getting closer to 4 he is way easier than he was at 3". I must have been heavily sedated when I uttered those words. Not only does your package come with Attitude it comes with a heavy case of "I don't give a F*%^'s". 

Now at the age of 1-2 you will notice that "No" becomes a common word. Coming out of your mouth and your child's. You get really sick of it after awhile but you then realize that there is no threat behind the word they are saying.

 At the age of 3 1/2 they don't really give a rats ass about saying "No" with an eye roll. They have so much damn confidence. I ask Cohen to please stop jumping off of furniture like he is in a ball pit and he says "No". Usually...or well before I used to have to give him my look of death. I stand up and say excuse me and he says "No" again. OK... "Go to your room then"... "No". You better march your ass up those stairs asap young man or we are getting the soap. "No". Now at this point I wanna become the hulk and throw him to never never-land. I know that isn't an option so I throw him over my shoulder and carry him to his room. I just slammed the door because I didn't have anything to say at this point because I wasn't prepared for this.

10 minutes later I go into his room...He's not even in there. Hes on his way out the front door? Can you imagine what I'm thinking? Who in the hell does he think he is? I asked where he thought he was off too. He said "I decided that i'm a good boy now and i'm going outside" Haa...That is the last thing your doing. It's so funny that at a flick of a switch they just decide what they are doing and thinking that threats are empty or they decide to push the limit. I thought this happened when they were teenagers. 

Moving on...Lying. I'm pretty sure I don't lie unless we're talking about the scary old lady that I threaten him with in public that she will come and take him away if he miss behaves...OK yes that is a lie. 

I know Cohen and I ain't stupid. When Leo is crying when they are playing together..he has either dragged him across the room by his feet and he has rug burn...or takes his soother away when he is in bed peacefully and the alarm sounds off. I don't know why I ask "What did you do?" because I know. When I do...he has a grim look on his face and nods his head NO. Umm...Cohen are you fibbing? "No mommy". Cohen are you lying? No one likes a liar? Yes mommy I went in his room.... Not only does he know how to test my patience...he knows how to test Leo's.

When the "Boys" are around..meaning Evan's friends Cohen is a little more confident and knows he can get a reaction out of everybody if he acts outrageously inappropriate. That means Mommy cant talk or show any kind of affection. I usually get told to back off or to chill out. Yeah "Chill out mom".

Is listening even a word in the dictionary? Does it exist in my child's vocabulary? I don't think he knows what that means... actually. After telling him a hundred times not to climb on the gate because he will fall backwards he still does it until he falls backwards down the stairs with the gate landing on top of him! "Do you not listen?" am I using the right phrasing because I repeat myself 100 fucking times a day. "Cohen listen" "Are you listening" "When I say don't do something listen". I hate that doesn't work its not threatening enough. 

I know this isn't the end and there are about 13 more years of this bullshit..Half the time I have no clue what I am doing...Hubby came up with a good solution "How much do you think we could make off these kids?" "Well what do you mean?" "Well if we put them on Kijiji how much could we sell them for...10, 20...I guess 5 would be sufficient" " would get arrested for that" "What about adoption..I guess they wouldn't be as interested if Cohen is older" "OK...your scaring me".

We actually have really well behaved kids...People tell us all the time. "They are so good" "Are they always this well behaved"  Umm...NO. They are great actors. I just thought of this...but the war ain't over...I have another kid that I have to go through this with...Shit.


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