Monday, December 9, 2013

I still can't figure my 3 year old out, I'm F*&^%$

I hear some version of the following sentence at least once a month:
It goes by so fast. You should cherish every moment because one day your kids will be grown and you'll look back and not know where the time went!
First of all I don't care to hear that bull shit because you did not walk a day in my shit filled shoes. What you just told me, I already know and fear at times when they are actually nice and I have some tranquility. 

Today was HELL on earth. Some peoples idea of that is different then mine. Let me say it just to feel better. You know cussing is the best medicine? Probably not the best in times of my complete meltdowns. 

There are "techniques", Shit I hate that word. Sounds like I am talking at a pink party. Disciplinary actions that you can use against your kids. Wait? That doesn't sound right either. What I mean to say is "use on your kids". I don't go that far...that will be my insanity gone/ breaking point. 

I might need transplant surgery on my vocal chords after today. My lips are about to fall off due to excessive spitting from yelling. 

Obedience is what I expect. Do what I say, do it when I say it and don't you DARE give me lip. 

When you do the opposite for 72 hours you will see The Conjuring all over again. 

You ask me "Why"? 

Should that even be in your vocabulary? I think not. Don't question me either.

I can't even hear myself think. I think I blew an ear drum. 

The whole problem I have with this is; I have tried my very best to raise a well rounded mannered child and look where that got me? I thought people told me 2's were the worst? Then people told me 3's are hardest. Well its the end of the year and I'm about ready to kick 3's ass out the door. 

I actually got them to bed before 7 because I don't think I could form anymore sentences.I will now sit/watch/eat & drink as much as I want, way to late just to find my inner peace

These kids are attached at my hip/leg/tit you name it. I would ask for advice but I don't feel like trying a nice alternative at the moment. I know its gonna bite me in the ass tomorrow morning when I have a 3-year-old yelling in my face for a bowl of fucking mini wheat's. Is it bad that I want a bolt lock on my door?

So tell me this, when is it that I start to feel in somewhat control and I know what I am doing is that right thing? Because at this point my intense boot camp has proved me INSANE.

Most would be excited for a birthday, You will never be as excited as me about the fact that the age "3" is about to end. 

I forgot I had a 1 year old....


Which reminds, today was the first day in history that a diaper was removed, in a crib, with shit in it, which was then thrown all around the room by that cute little boy that was in a lion costume. 

The End.....