Thursday, January 23, 2014

Just a plunger on my counter...No-BIG-D

I'm pretty sure if you had a glimpse into the last 24 hours that just took place in my home you would want to run in the other direction. 
Like I do. 
But I can't. 
Because. They depend on me. 
Sometimes I want them to go away. OK. I actually tell them to go away. Not a proud moment. Who cares? There self esteem will bounce back. 
You want a apple? Get it yourself! That's what a stool is for. 
I look around my counter and there is a f*cking plunger cover!! How the f*ck did it get there? K there is definitely feces on my counter. 
COHENNNNNNNNNN. You're in trouble. Mom, I just... I don't want to hear. Please...walk...away. 
OK remember the breathing techniques. 
Breath to 10. 
If someone saw me doing this they would definitely admit me.  
Oh..your interrupting my breathing? 
Well. Let me start again. 1,2,3,4,5.... 
Leo is in the toilet again. (This is a daily occurrence) 
Did that shrink actually think this could be possible to achieve among-st the apes running around this jungle.
OK the finish line is almost near. 
Its 6:30.
7 pm bedtime sounds like a great plan. You guys cool with that? Good. You didn't have a choice in the matter anyway.
Breath to 10.Leo do you have to bite my leg...F*ck.
K, that's it. Tub time. Cohen lets move. At a faster pace.'re not a turtle.
Why do you smell like shit? Were you playing with the plunger is that why it is on my counter?
Mom, I..i..i..i
Never mind. Get in the tub.
Mom, I just saw your butt and your privates.
Don't look then.
Well don't be naked then. 
No mommy.
Not in your mouth silly.
Ahhhh. Finally I get to relax on a toilet and go pee at the same time. This is convenient.
Cohen...could you not drown your brother. He looks like a fish out of water...gasping for air. 
I should probably clean this toilet. And the floor. And wash these towels.
Just add'er to my list. I love list's.
I made a promise. I would clean less. I have accomplished that goal. The goal was to spend more time with the kids. I didn't keep that end of the bargain.
1 more hour til I can struggle through my workout so I can sleep like a baby going through a growth spurt.
Oh you want books? Yes. Here. Enjoy kids. 
God my saggy bits are never going to get sucked back up are they.
It looks OK when I stand, then I bend over and I actually have a Kangaroo pouch...but no baby. 
How is Tosca Reno 53 and have a banging-baaaday-likeeee-dat.
Dear Tosca...


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