Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The word "thing" could mean any "thing". I was hoping "dinky" wasn't the "thing" I caught Cohen doing "things" with....

By saying thing...it can mean any "thing". 

I guess that is the first word that comes to mind when your child is being inappropriate and streaking at the age of 3 1/2. 

Now I feel more embarrassed then Cohen does. I was more worried about what the neighborhood watch was gonna say when they thought that a 3 year old should be reported to the Ped police.

I get that your "thing" "dinky" "wiener" is such an interesting part of your anatomy but why in the hell do they figure out how to play with it at such a young age. 

I catch him often..in the tub, behind the couch, in his room. But of all places our neighbors front lawn should be last place where you are rubbing one out. 

I'm a girl so that type of thing grosses me out anyways, but my own child just took that awkwardness to the next level. 

Cohen tends to play outside in the front yard in front of our neighbors window because the kids are trapped inside the house behind the screen like they are animals. He is a class clown so I often catch him doing weird shit. By request or he thinks that shit up all on his own. 

I kept checking out the window to check on him and he was playing with a toy and talking to the kids. A couple more peek's later and I see him standing there....pants down...no T-shirt...bent back like Soulja Boy waving his "thing" in the air like he just don't care. 

I quickly yelled out the window.. "Cohen, what are you doing?"
I ran outside grabbed his hand and dragged him in the house. The look on his face when he knew he got caught doing the nasty was "Oh shit...Mom caught me"... Pulls his pants up and acted like nothing happened. The same look that I had when I got caught smoking my first cigarette and blowing smoke in my Dad's face. I remember that moment. Your heart is bouncing out of your chest and you start to sweat. 

He played the "Why mom? What did I do?" Well first of all your in the front yard ass naked playing with your "thing" and Christian is laughing at you!. 

I sat his ass down on the staircase inside and said...

"What you just did is completely inappropriate and that is your Private parts. You keep those things private...not share them with the whole neighborhood. Do you see mommy doing that?"
He chuckled "Why not?" 

"Do you not understand?"

"Yes, mommy. I won't do that again"

Somehow by his facial reaction I could tell that he knew the kids had a good laugh so he thought that it was a good reaction.

He said "Christian was laughing."

"Well...he is a little boy and that type of thing is funny at that age group because you aren't mature whatsoever. The neighbors are watching and think that it is gross and inappropriate."

He sat on the step and didn't move a muscle. He knew this was serious business and Daddy wasn't going to be impressed. 

Daddy looked like he had lock jaw when I told him what just went down. 

I'm sure this is the first of many moments when I'm going to think my child is completely disgusting...I had just hoped that this happened later on when he was at a high school party.

Look at the standard I am setting for my child...awesome.


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