Saturday, January 4, 2014

New spokes woman for Victoria's Secrets 2014 Cabbage Bra

You're all wondering...This girl has definitely gone mental. Actually no! I am sitting here chilling in my new Cabbage Bra, compliments of my fridge.

Now, I'm on day three of weaning and like my previous post "This mom is on Fiyahhhhh" my breasts have taken the floor. 

I have shared my battles of breast-feeding/lack of milk/ Mastitis/ One Double D... You've all heard about it whether or not you care.

It's pretty funny actually. How I have such a f*&^ing battle producing milk and just when I think I'm out of it, it comes back to bite me in the tit. Kind of sort of it feels like that, except for the clots of milk I feel like I have in my left boob that have a sensational warm feeling. I didn't want to leave my right boob out since I lost milk on that side 9 months ago so she is taking one for the team. 

You ask why I am putting myself through this instead of letting it happen naturally? 

You should ask my son. The one who vigorously attacked me in the middle of the night and nearly severed my nipple off. I'm still young and I have high hopes of keeping my nipples on for the nude beaches I plan to attend in Hawaii (kidding). 

Besides the biting, LC thinks that creepily looking at me while nursing makes me feel super comfortable. Maybe if I had normal kids I would nurse til they are 3. 

I feel like a fucking cabbage roll and I'm starting to smell. Maybe that is due to the fact of me not showering in 4 days..By choice of course can't blame that on the wee ones. 

As I searched the internet for some "lactative support" I scrolled down to find that Cabbage helps with weaning. "The Cabbage Cure" its called. It is used for engorgement therapy, cabbage is believed to contain sinigrin (allylisothiocyanate) rapine, mustard oil, magnesium, oxylate and sulphur heterosides. Herbalists believe that cabbage has both antibiotic and anti irritant properties.

Luckily I had a head of cabbage in my fridge. Ripped a few leaves off and stuffed them in like I was in 9th grade. Actually feels quite nice, the cold sensation. 

How weird do you think I will look dancing to Beyonce in my cabbage bra? Ahh what the hell! Cross this one off my bucket list. Cabbage Selfie!!! Give me a call Heidi Klum!


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