My kids gang up on me and make me ugly cry

It's been awhile peeps. Falling a little behind on life and putting the blogging on the back burner for awhile. I'm sure you have all taken my previous pleas seriously because I am a mental nut case as of last year...but up until the last 4 months I'd now say I NEED SERIOUS HELP. 

They say "never compare your children". I thought they just meant don't compare your kids with other kids, didn't realize that I would be comparing my 1.5 year old and my 4.5 year old. I think when babies are born they like trick you into thinking how easy, cute and adorable they can be. I'm sure some might disagree with me because I never had colicky, non sleeping babes. Luckily they went easy on me for the first six months of their lives. After the 6 months things started getting a bit hectic. 

Cohen was a quiet, independent, loving little guy. I didn't really have many complaints with him until he was 3.5. He never went through the terrible two's or even really three's. I think him being independent is where we butted heads. Then Leo-Cruz came along. Well didn't he give me a run for his money. As a baby, he slept, smiled & ate. I thought I was so lucky that I was blessed with 2 easy kids. Until teeth came along. Obviously, I know that's not his fault. I don't remember as a child but I can imagine that pokey teeth going in and out of my gums that I would become slightly demonic. Well Leo was and isn't slightly...He takes that shit to the next level. 

Kid has 7 teeth poppin threw at the moment. I'm about ready to start poppin pills. I'm already poppin bottles but that isn't really doing the trick. Not only teething but the constant battles with him almost being two. Kid literally screams bloody murder about anything and everything. I'll give you a percentile. 95% of the time he's crying. Either over his cup not being half full/half empty, kind of depends on the day. As of right now he is karate chopping me screaming "MOMMY" because I won't give him candy at 9:30 in the morning. This is just the start of my day. I realize I have to get through 9 more hours of this bull-shit. I can't even go in public anymore, he knows my name now so he yells at the top of his lungs repetitively for I don't know what reason. I'll answer and his response is "MOMMY" in a higher pitch that the last one. Over and over and over and over again. Alllll daaayyyy, eerrrrr dayyyy.

People think I'm lying...until they spend an afternoon with him. He's on the verge of bipolar disorder. I'll give you a percentile, 95% of the time. I'm sure it has a lot to do with him having an older sibling and him wanting to do whatever Cohen does but god dammit kid you can't just off the top of slide. Anytime I use the word "No" it ends in a mental breakdown for both of us. 

I literally can't wait for bed time most days. I know that sounds terrible but I literally spend every waking minute with these kids and five out of seven days they gang up on me and make me ugly cry. 

Last night I wanted to try really hard to cook them a nice meal. Lately when I cook Leo throws it on the floor and Cohen says "Mommy this is disgusting". So I took a break from feeding them and let them fend for themselves. They ate a lot of fruit snacks and granola bars. So as I am cooking, I have a container of Chicken Broth on the counter open. I turned around for one minute and Leo is pouring the whole thing on top of his head. I know he didn't intend to pour it all over himself but he didn't cry about it so I didn't think he cared to much. So there went the effort to cook a meal because he used my only Chicken Broth. 

Seems like when I actually try to do anything right with the kids it back fires in my face. Like eating clean, organic and only feeding them healthy meals. I throw a juice box/fruit snack/goldfish just to keep the peace most days. Or the amount of T.V Cohen watches, there is no limit.  Or letting them paint the train tracks in bright neon colors and then the paint ends up on the doors and floor. I really don't care most days, I don't think it can get any worse right? Or wait...Leo knows how to open doors and has no problem quietly sneaking out onto the street with no clothes on. Or they literally pick, poke, badger the shit out of me most days and I end up in tears in my closet. 

I need to go see my shrink again...it's been awhile.

Two Great Articles you must read

Today, the blog world is a big thing. There are numerous mommy blogs or websites that have guest mommy bloggers. It has become way more relevant and more common since the days of the Social Media boom.  Scrolling down my timeline I came across the status of a blogger that I follow and her status said;

"And those moms who appear to have it all together? The size six supermoms who appear perky and well-rested? The ones who haul big designer diaper bags brimming with healthy snacks and water and sunscreen and extra outfits and hand sanitizer?

It is okay to wish them small misfortunes, like fecal incontinence or eye herpes." 

Made me laugh a little because I used to be the mom that packed healthy snacks, Sunscreen and hauled around a Coach diaper bag (I got as a gift). I clicked on the link. Generally I will open most links that have anything to do with Mom's or kids. Something relate-able and maybe a funny read. I then read "fecal incontinence or eye herpes" and knew that it would be funny. I've never heard of The Elephant Journal before, mostly about Yoga, going green and your well being. A Writer, Lynn Shattuck wrote for the blog I assume and the title of her post was To my post-par-tum self. Things I wish i'd known. 

The post talks about the stages you go through when birthing your child into the world. The stages of breastfeeding, the stages of teething, the stages of napping.  It actually makes sense how she explains each stage we go through that seems like a universe away. The initial cluster feeding that feels like years is actually only the first week. Then you think sleep regression is over and they start teething.

She writes "Don't drown in it";

Every little stage your baby goes through will feel like a riptide, like forever—I don’t know why this happens.
Maybe because for your baby, that week of cluster feeding is forever. Maybe, because your baby is stuck to you like Velcro, and your nipples are chafed, and you’re pretty sure you’re never going to sleep again, you absorb his sense of time.
Maybe it’s some hormone-fueled, survival of the fittest, DNA code to make sure you take your baby’s needs seriously.
But pretty soon, your baby won’t be cluster feeding. He will be teething. Refusing naps. Calling you poopy. You will hear yourself say things like, “Please take your penis out of the windowsill.” Take each stage seriously, but don’t drown in it. 

Check, check and check. I've been through all of that. She then proceeds to talk about boobs.

For awhile, your boobs will be out. All. The. Time. Your boobs will see more sunlight than you do. Warm, sticky milk will drip down your belly and you’ll feel like the stump of an ice cream cone in July.

This too shall pass, but for awhile, you’re going to feel like quite the centerfold.

From National Geographic.

She puts perspective on all milestones and what comes with it. They will end, you will get through it.  

Don't Clean; Your house will still be messy in five years. I am sorry, but it’s true. So when your baby sleeps, take a nap. Read a book. Masturbate. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest while you masturbate.

Ask for help; Ask your partner for help. He/she does not mean to just sit there in a chair playing Mortal Kombat. They will eventually show more interest in the baby, when it can giggle and hug and play tackle football. But for now, they need you to tell them you need help.

Ask.

When you do, don’t tell them how to care for your child. Or tell them, but then let it go. He/she will probably watch Pulp Fiction with your baby. They will let your precious little one gnaw on pizza crusts like a junkyard dog. Your baby will be okay on both counts.
Then, leave the house.

If you don’t, your partner will rise from their chair like Zeus. They will find you, and they will suggest that the baby needs milk. Even though you just nursed him. 

The best part of this post is that she groups everything together so perfectly. She says what every mom feels.

Listen: I know you feel like you’re doing it all wrong; I know the stakes feel so high and all the other moms look like they know what they’re doing.

Take a break from reading books and blogs about how you’re supposed to be raising your child. Your baby is reasonably clean and growing. 

Most Importantly You are doing just fine. 

Sometimes we question ourselves or the way we parent. This post kind of leads into the next article I read on EJ. "The Good Mother". We all think it, we all wonder are we a Good Mother?. Surprisingly its not what you think. I thought it would be about a Mom talking about a friend who is just naturally a Good Mother. No,  it's that tiny voice in your head "The Good Mother" telling you what you think you should do but its too late because you tried this other angle of discipline. 

I remember talking to another new mom at a mom’s group when my son was a newborn.

The other new mom was clearly connected with her infant daughter; I could almost see the cord of love twining them to each other. I could see it in the gentle but sturdy way she held her daughter and the way she smiled and gazed at her—while my son alternated nursing and crying, nursing and crying, we chatted.

“I have this ‘good mother’ voice in my head sometimes,” she admitted. “The other day, Julia was napping and I realized I’d forgotten to turn the baby monitor on. I checked on her and she was still sleeping, but I thought, ‘a good mother wouldn't forget to turn the baby monitor on.’”

Totally true, totally relate able.  Then goes onto talking about winging motherhood...everyday.

One of the hardest things for me about being a mom is that I make about 107 little decisions every day, and most of the time, I am totally winging it. Unlike work at a paid job, I don’t get regular feedback on how I’m doing.

I will let you read it for yourself. You’re a good mother.  Like Elephant Family on Facebook and Lynn Shattuck.