These aren't tips. Just unfortunate reminders.

As I stood in my kitchen in a pile of water I really began to think about how many times this has happened to me. 

Generally it is a pile of piss so today was a good day, but in reality this happens all the time. 

Then I got to thinking about how often shitty things happen to me on daily basis with the assistance of my children.

This will than bring me to #1.

First and foremost I obviously don't expect my kids to be smart enough to know that leaving a cup on the floor might tip over or leak. That would be just to hard for them to grasp. In a day I find at least three or four pools of water randomly dispersed over the floor. Sometimes on the laminate, sometimes on the carpet. The tricky thing with carpet is that its hard to see. So you go put on a pair of socks, you are walking around and SHIT! You step in something wet. Sometimes warm depending on if it is fresh pee or fecal matter. This has happened to me. On numerous occasions. SO my biggest advice to parents would be...Buy lots of socks or be smarter than me and put a diaper on your child.

So the last week has been a blur. Not like Robin Thicke's blur....I wish.

So the last week has been a blur. Not like Robin Thicke's blur....I wish. Leo's cutting a tooth and he relapsed twice with a cold in the same week. I forgot to make Cohen lunch three days in a row and it took me until 2:30 to realize when he was ripping my face off. Not a very shining time for this mommy. I feel like teething is going to go on forever. His second tooth is transparent through his gums but its only the second one. I have never seen a cute little smiley boy turn into Chucky before. 

I basically have to sleep train Leo all over again but I've listened to too much crying in the past 2 weeks so sleeping on my chest will do. I can't blame it on oats anymore. He actually will only eat squeeze puréed food from Superstore's organic section and yogurt. Oh and titty juice.  Last night he woke up at 4:30 am gagging and it sounded like he hacked a whole pack of darts. He crawls around on the floor crying wanting me to hold him for hours at a time. Last night I just laid in the crib with him for a couple hours just so he felt more comfortable. Cohen was a bad teether..but Leo takes the cake on this one.

Cohen on the other hand has been limited to a half hour of video games a day. We got Pirates of The Caribbean Lego Edition so that's a little better then zombies and instakills on COD. He actually recognized a guys shirt today and it said Call Of Duty in the same font as the game and he knew what it was. Genius moment? or Child VG addict? I haven't decided. 

I've written about "things" being done with his "thing". Well a few nights ago I watched him out of the corner of my eye and he actually was pouring water over it. I then proceeded to ask him what he was doing. He gave me the look of "Are you serious lady obviously I'm watering my Dinky". 

"Mom I have to water it so it grows!"
"I don't think so buddy"
"Its like a flower, we water flowers"

Are you f*&^%* kidding me? This child is so full of sass and he is so educated...He's smarter than me half the time. He also tells me that If I go lay down upstairs in bed to rest that he thinks that being thoughtful is actually for his own personal needs to fulfill his COD addiction. I'm like do I have "stupid" across my fore head. He nods...

Hubby...well maybe I shouldn't say this but, he has been home for two weeks waiting for his new job to start up...yes two weeks. Two weeks of video games, helping with the kids and making Cohen even more obsessed with him. I can't really complain except he is singing into a beer bottle to Crash Test Dummies "Mmmmmmmmmmm" yeah, hes a little bored. Two weeks of noticing how much time I devote to my blogging addiction. He cant really get mad though, he plays video games.

So there you have it folks...a week in my shoes. 

Two Great Articles you must read

Today, the blog world is a big thing. There are numerous mommy blogs or websites that have guest mommy bloggers. It has become way more relevant and more common since the days of the Social Media boom.  Scrolling down my timeline I came across the status of a blogger that I follow and her status said;

"And those moms who appear to have it all together? The size six supermoms who appear perky and well-rested? The ones who haul big designer diaper bags brimming with healthy snacks and water and sunscreen and extra outfits and hand sanitizer?

It is okay to wish them small misfortunes, like fecal incontinence or eye herpes." 

Made me laugh a little because I used to be the mom that packed healthy snacks, Sunscreen and hauled around a Coach diaper bag (I got as a gift). I clicked on the link. Generally I will open most links that have anything to do with Mom's or kids. Something relate-able and maybe a funny read. I then read "fecal incontinence or eye herpes" and knew that it would be funny. I've never heard of The Elephant Journal before, mostly about Yoga, going green and your well being. A Writer, Lynn Shattuck wrote for the blog I assume and the title of her post was To my post-par-tum self. Things I wish i'd known. 

The post talks about the stages you go through when birthing your child into the world. The stages of breastfeeding, the stages of teething, the stages of napping.  It actually makes sense how she explains each stage we go through that seems like a universe away. The initial cluster feeding that feels like years is actually only the first week. Then you think sleep regression is over and they start teething.

She writes "Don't drown in it";

Every little stage your baby goes through will feel like a riptide, like forever—I don’t know why this happens.
Maybe because for your baby, that week of cluster feeding is forever. Maybe, because your baby is stuck to you like Velcro, and your nipples are chafed, and you’re pretty sure you’re never going to sleep again, you absorb his sense of time.
Maybe it’s some hormone-fueled, survival of the fittest, DNA code to make sure you take your baby’s needs seriously.
But pretty soon, your baby won’t be cluster feeding. He will be teething. Refusing naps. Calling you poopy. You will hear yourself say things like, “Please take your penis out of the windowsill.” Take each stage seriously, but don’t drown in it. 

Check, check and check. I've been through all of that. She then proceeds to talk about boobs.

For awhile, your boobs will be out. All. The. Time. Your boobs will see more sunlight than you do. Warm, sticky milk will drip down your belly and you’ll feel like the stump of an ice cream cone in July.

This too shall pass, but for awhile, you’re going to feel like quite the centerfold.

From National Geographic.

She puts perspective on all milestones and what comes with it. They will end, you will get through it.  

Don't Clean; Your house will still be messy in five years. I am sorry, but it’s true. So when your baby sleeps, take a nap. Read a book. Masturbate. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest while you masturbate.

Ask for help; Ask your partner for help. He/she does not mean to just sit there in a chair playing Mortal Kombat. They will eventually show more interest in the baby, when it can giggle and hug and play tackle football. But for now, they need you to tell them you need help.

Ask.

When you do, don’t tell them how to care for your child. Or tell them, but then let it go. He/she will probably watch Pulp Fiction with your baby. They will let your precious little one gnaw on pizza crusts like a junkyard dog. Your baby will be okay on both counts.
Then, leave the house.

If you don’t, your partner will rise from their chair like Zeus. They will find you, and they will suggest that the baby needs milk. Even though you just nursed him. 

The best part of this post is that she groups everything together so perfectly. She says what every mom feels.

Listen: I know you feel like you’re doing it all wrong; I know the stakes feel so high and all the other moms look like they know what they’re doing.

Take a break from reading books and blogs about how you’re supposed to be raising your child. Your baby is reasonably clean and growing. 

Most Importantly You are doing just fine. 

Sometimes we question ourselves or the way we parent. This post kind of leads into the next article I read on EJ. "The Good Mother". We all think it, we all wonder are we a Good Mother?. Surprisingly its not what you think. I thought it would be about a Mom talking about a friend who is just naturally a Good Mother. No,  it's that tiny voice in your head "The Good Mother" telling you what you think you should do but its too late because you tried this other angle of discipline. 

I remember talking to another new mom at a mom’s group when my son was a newborn.

The other new mom was clearly connected with her infant daughter; I could almost see the cord of love twining them to each other. I could see it in the gentle but sturdy way she held her daughter and the way she smiled and gazed at her—while my son alternated nursing and crying, nursing and crying, we chatted.

“I have this ‘good mother’ voice in my head sometimes,” she admitted. “The other day, Julia was napping and I realized I’d forgotten to turn the baby monitor on. I checked on her and she was still sleeping, but I thought, ‘a good mother wouldn't forget to turn the baby monitor on.’”

Totally true, totally relate able.  Then goes onto talking about winging motherhood...everyday.

One of the hardest things for me about being a mom is that I make about 107 little decisions every day, and most of the time, I am totally winging it. Unlike work at a paid job, I don’t get regular feedback on how I’m doing.

I will let you read it for yourself. You’re a good mother.  Like Elephant Family on Facebook and Lynn Shattuck.

What I thought was teething was actually Oatmeal/ Sleep Training Update

Being the sucker that I am Leo knows how to pull on my guilty heart strings. 

We went away for a few days so that totally fucked up this sleep training process since people were rocking him to sleep. 

Also I came to realize what I thought was teething was actually Oats not digesting properly. 

I'm sorry I drugged you Leo...mommy obviously didn't go through the list of "What the fuck is wrong with my child?".

His tooth popped through last week. For three days I fed him oatmeal in the mornings. I thought it would keep him fuller so that he wasn't drinking lots of breast milk since I only had so many ounces. I couldn't understand why he was so miserable. Then the day I went without feeding oats...he was fine. So I experimented.....I'm so mean.

In the morning I gave him a spoonful of Cohen's. He actually didn't want it because he probably knew that it ripped his guts apart. So a couple hours later he got uncomfortable...and whined so I knew that was the issue.